Taoism: Shit happens
Hinduism: This shit happened before
Islam: If shit happens, take a hostage
Buddhism: When shit happens, is really shit?
7th Day Adventist: Shit happens on sathurday
Protestantism: Shit won't happen if I work harder
Catholicism: If shit happens, I deserve it
Jehova's Witness: Knock knock, "Shit happens"
Judaism: Why does shit always happen to me?
Hare Krishna: Shit happens rama rama ding dong
Atheism: No shit
TV Evangelism: Send more shit
Rastafarism: Shit happens, let's smoke